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you will feel (Free verse) by nentwined you will feel my pain
every ounce, every FLUID ounce
of every drop of my blood
as every razor scar erupts:
one giant burst of ecstasy--
I AM HERE!
and now I'm gone.
Up the ladder:
One Moment to the Other (v3)
Down the ladder:
Octopussed
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0416665
Posted: March 27, 2003 10:11 AM PST; Last modified: March 27, 2003 10:11 AM PSTWeighted score: 7.0280023 Overall Rank: 223 Comments:
[6]
Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154
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27-Mar-03/11:45 AM
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Reply
I have always been founder of the brave puncturer not the teasing mutilator.
I must say I thought that was going to be good just from your first line but nope. Not really sure what went wrong but it ended up a trainwreck. -3-
Scenes of full metal jacket emerged
'as every...' is a strong line, Nntwnd. I think there's more to this poem in your head; I'd like to read it.
Razor scars, how powerful and sublime.
Good. Is it an analogy of death?
Not exactly an analogy; this, now that the category has been created, should more properly be a "pimple poem". It was meant to be a condensed version, saying more the intent of such poems than actually trying to mimic the style. "You hurt me, but I can hurt me more! But I want you to feel my pain! Please? Ha, I'll show you!" :/
Spiffy! Very dark. kinda wierded me out though
have a good trip
It continues, yes.
Thanks for the three. :) 491 view(s)
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