Shuushin3 May 2004

Okay, Z - lets have a go at this...

I like the cadence of it, first off.

"backwards gravity" got it, like it - falls up (geographically).

then an image of the black mother (had to look up "rucked") making sexual advances (I see...)

I liked the car "idled into emptiness"; left running - good.

I wasn't able to associate with the rot-sweetness of tragedy or the puritan wet-dreams, but I understood it to be a description of something that may be a demographic universal.

then there's the suicide scene (is it?) - which I think is a little rushed - or perhaps too complex. I liked the red clay on the shoes - does this mean she's been buried? Made me think so, anyway.

I guess I'm not sure what exactly *is* going on in those last two-odd stanzas. A bit more sculpting maybe?