zodiac30 May 2004

The main problems with this poem are that the thing with the pronunciation guide for the names is ridiculous; you should know how to pronounce it when you see it. So "Pondrine" should be "Pondreh Ni" or something such, "Taeks" should be "Taieks," and "Aark" should definitely be "Gaydvark". Leaving them lower-case doesn't help. And no one should be given a particular name just to make a rhyme.

Also, your poem is sadly lacking in pointlessly repeated words and jarring exclamatories. See how much better the following verse sounds than yours.

The Elvish Prince went riding, riding,
Riding out to the sea.
Full many a worthy fellow had he!
A ranger, a dwarf, and mages three
Had he in his hurrying company.
And their stealthy cloaks went gliding, gliding
(Through hollow and tree!
Fum! fettle! fee!)
As the Elvish Lord went riding, riding
Out to the Western Sea.