god'swife9 Jun 2004

Humans die all sorts of ways, so be more specific. Name someone who died that way. Also aren't you describing what happens after death?

Kill the 'on unforgiving...' line. the line before it is so much more interesting and the audience already knows windshields are transparent. "Jealous" how is it jealous? I don't know what the next 2 lines stand for, but it would sound and look better without the 'a' before fluid. What do those lines mean? It isn't clear.