poetandknowit28 Aug 2002

This could definitely be tightened. Drop some of the articles, let the real rhythm out, and change the passive to active. Make it happen as we read it. "Outside, wind blows cold, whipping faces and making knuckles ache. Dark hangs like a heavy blanket over our town." And so on. I still cannot figure out if I like the rest of the poem, but I am trying.