Shuushin16 Jan 2005

Despite being a suicide/death poem (something too often done and done badly) this has an unusual angle in that it's a post mortem - and I like that.

What I don't like is that there are opportunities missed for some potentially nice descriptive bits: night, fog, cemetary gates. Instead you just blurt them out like a noob.

Maybe loose the whole first stanza so the reader isn't immediately disappointed right off the bat.