MacFrantic17 Jan 2005

O.K.
Smarter usage of semi-colons
The second one is awful
S3 L3-4 don't make enough sense.
The contradictory statements about the people around him and then applying these statements to your own character. When trying to convey realization, you are actually making this character one of the "hyenas". Mostly recognized in the two contrasting "unaware"s. This would be brilliant if it was on purpose, but the quality of the poem suggests that it was not.

Outskirts is one word
st[r]ings
Introducing the peoples' objectivity in the last line leaves readers a bit confused because it comes out of nowhere.