Goad3 Feb 2005

Loved it. Beautiful and wistful. God I'm a sucker for wistful. I think you're channeling "Anonymous" again in this piece, lol, it's got that timeless feel (You know, Anonymous the "small rain" guy)

kill "slip sibilant." It's clever & reflexive -- which is completely out of place in the mood of the piece.

Perhaps I agree the last fractious line oughtn't be so altered. I'm not sure. Suppose you could say something like "with the feeling your home, girl,...". But you've certainly earned the right to mess with forms however you like...