juliharrelson27 Mar 2005

Well, pink bunny/luzr,

Another REALLY good poem, very real, too, like you are writing in your journal or writing a letter to someone about this girl. Just a few comments:


***The words I haven't even wrote yet
***Burning brightly on my tongue

VERY good imagery! This alone made me want to keep on reading.



***And then I'll spend the rest of my evening
***Dancing a tactful tip-toe
***Between polite, and real conversation
***Remembering that words are weapons
***And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue
***So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded

This really struck me. You are so open and well articulated that I can actually "see" how you and this girl are (or were), what your relationship is like. You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl.

***A second first,

The only part that I dind't "get" was the "a second first". What does that part mean?

Overall, VERY nicely done.

juli harrelson :)