Replying to a comment on:
I heard your cries broken Angel they were echos of mine long ago He said he was my friend, as he led me into the room inside He said he had something to show me and in my innocence I followed Such a long time ago, but never forgotten
The One, by the way, is not because of the subject but because you wrote down a memory and that's all you did. The reason there is no poetry, no 'shock' in it, is because you didn't take enough distance from yourself. It sounds a contradiction, but for generating reader's sympathy (with this subject or any other subsequents), stepping back and looking at yourself from a distance is necessary. I see what you tried to bring about: to shock through ways of directness and simplicity. Sometimes it works, but not here. At least, it doesn't work with me.
<<and in my innocence I followed>>
I now realise that your poem may leave something truly horrible unsaid: rape. Believe me, I wouldn't snigger at that. But don't expect me to draw that conclusion from a poem that fails to communicate emotionally.
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