Replying to a comment on:

Ransom (Free verse) by windyone

I heard your cries broken Angel they were echos of mine long ago He said he was my friend, as he led me into the room inside He said he had something to show me and in my innocence I followed Such a long time ago, but never forgotten

DoubleU 20-May-05/12:49 PM
The first two lines are quite telling, actually. I better not react without thinking it over well.
Somehow past en present do not interlink, Windyone. Somebody's crying which triggers off your own (let's personalize this for the moment) experience from long ago, but you do not explain the other person -the cause of your reverting back in time- any further, which leaves the poem sort of unfinished.

Do you mind if I try to tackle this? If you do, I can always delete it again.

Your cries, echoes of mine
from long ago
He was my friend
he said
long ago and not so

His words
gotta show you something and I
followed my innocence and him
into the room, uninhabitated
for so long
but not forgotten

My words
fail, hear me crying
for you

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2022 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001