DoubleU25 May 2005

Agree with Rockmage. But I also object to the treatment of the story. The pain, the pain. Could be the base for a poem that does not need the word 'pain'...
<< her lover can't, or won't love her >>
Perhaps she's unbearable ugly? Frigid? He found out she wasn't the rich bitch he thought she was?
You don't show anything. She, watching him leave the house with a stiff back, clenched fists, for instance. An empty stare. An upturned dinnerplate on the tabel. There are so many ways to visualize relational pain.

The best lines are the last one and 'It's all the same to her', but they become statements that call for an explanation. They are too detached from what it is all about.