DoubleU30 May 2005

I like this and would have loved to see parts of it approached different:

<< where heaven is a mirage
unreachable as a woman >>

'where heaven is a mirage
as unreachable as a woman'

the repeted 'as' is not elegant, but the sentence makes more sense this way. You could also opt for this:

'where heaven is like a woman,
a mirage',



The last stanza:

In wandering through the afterlife
she found him on the sands of New Mexico
His tears had turned to jewels
and jewels turned to tears
when they made love on a grave
in the shade of a headstone which read
'Eternal love
for the dead'