zodiac30 Jun 2005

First and second lines make it sound like the women are the ones hurting, not the man. You can say, "of implies ownership, his hurt simply BELONGS to the women." Whatever. If at some level you're taking this comment seriously then, no, the missing punctuation would not fix it.

Lines two and three make it sound like either the shallow lovers are hurting or the women somehow wronged him of shallow lovers, neither of which is what you mean. You can say, ibid. My answer: ibid.

Second stanza continues the other-people-wounded-not-him. And why do you talk like such an android in your poetry? I expect you at any moment to say, haltingly, "Is this...the thing... that... humans call... love...?"