Bankrupt_Word_Clerk23 Jul 2005

it's word choices like fallible remorse that are your weakness.

I chose those two words, but there are many more that you just seem to put together without any real thought as to what it will do to your poetry. it just seems like you are in love with a vocabulary that is just out of your reach. I understand some of this poem. By that i mean some images come to mind, but why in the name of Gary do you not try to simplify, pare down, and beat some meter into your work. You really and truly could do this better with half the words.

I read my own poetry. I know it's not very good. So, take what i say any way you'd like. BUT all your work is the same; too wordy by far. It's just not necessary.

you are only cannibalized by insatiably hungry demons if you ARE a demon.

are you a demon?

cuz it would all make sense to me if you were.