zodiac18 Oct 2005

To elaborate, you seem to be coming at things from a kind of Wordsworth-&-Coleridge Romantic position. That is, you have an image you want to show people, and the rest of the poem (to the extent there is one) is kind of a shabby prop or excuse for that. Cf, all the poems in Lyrical Ballads - "We Are Seven" is the first that comes to mind. I'd have to read the book again to think of the others. Oh, this isn't Wordsworth or STC, but "Ozymandias", too.

Personally, I think that's kind of a weak way to write your poem, or to get around to your image. I'll accept that I'm more narrative-minded than is healthy, but I think this is going to leave even the straight-up imagists among us wanting. Sarcasm aside, if this were my image I'd try to add some aspects of (yes) story-telling: a character, a progression, a change. The real approach I'd take is to lighten or semiundermine the allegory imagery (sea of fire, birds actually changing feathers), to make it pretty much subjective. I.e., walking at a specific time, thinking about some specific situation in his life, guy sees tree with birds flying around, imagines the rest. Or maybe it's sunset, so as he's looking out what he sees actually looks like a sea of fire, etc. That's tough, I know. I've got tons of images thought up that I'm always trying to find ways to slip into poems.

Note: I meant "You can't stand amidst it, amidst a river." I'm mistyping all over the place. I blame Arabs. Now if I could only figure out HOW...