Sisterwolf28 Dec 2005

In my opinion, using thine and thys is risky. Those are usually used in reference to a deity. None of the tone of the rest of your work uses formal English to match. Hateness is not a word. There is an incongruity with soldiers out of breath...smacks of reaching for a rhyme. Next to last line -thine is not proper - thy is
correct. Last line, there is no need for an apostrophe with see's... the apostrophe makes a
possessive. Same on fourth line from bottom - no apostrophe.