god'swife9 Feb 2006

The stories are interesting. I can't believe that any little league would allow such retarded names for teams. If you made these up, make up better ones. If you didn't make these up, than you should make up better ones. Right now this is just a little too cumbersome. I like the authenticity of the voice. It reads as if you are speaking directly to me and that's good. Maybe you can think about seperating these memories. Let each stand alone. Even if it's just with roman numerals or something. I don't really like the one about the optometrist visits. it makes you a less sympathetic character.
The title's good. you shouldn't annotate at the end. It's better to finish with a compelling image or statement. For example; 'for the first time in a long time I saw my father.'

Maybe you should be writing a screenplay. Actors love playing tormented characters. Blindness makes for good analogies.

One question, how do you use a computer?