poetandknowit9 Sep 2002

You just changed the style of this. Last time it came up, I set it aside because of the style, so wise choice in the change. You used laugh in some form 5 times and crack 3 times - is it intended repetition? Third stanza is excellent, but I have trouble with the second and the poem seems to drag along at times to the end. Seems you mixed some moving and downright fine images, with "just getting it all out on paper." Take the comma from behind "left." I think it has more power without any pause and it creates a nice image. Just a thought. I don't know, I like the poem overall, (it is not a triangle) but it could use some tightening, especially in the 4th stanza.