Ranger15 Feb 2006

I'm not sure why but having 'red leaves' makes it seem more Japanese, more authentic in a way. Trying to create a solid image in 11 syllables is a pretty daunting task and you pull it off really well; not only that but the title is simple and highly appropriate for the form. All round I can't find fault with this at all - it seems like the sort of poem that needs to be laboriously handwritten onto woven tapestry to have full effect...the poemranker font just doesn't quite do it!

Change (5-7-5) by Ranger
White-haired hermit sits
Same rocky seat, but new view
Watch red leaf ballet

I had to write that to compare the two and I was right; expanding your one would have been detrimental to the idea of change within it. To be honest, I think that yours is as good as it's possible to get with this format. Good work!