Ranger21 Feb 2006

Okay, not bad. As a general point, I'm not sure prose poems have choruses - they're supposed to be more storylike, at least in my interpretation of the term. But that isn't important right now.
In the first stanza I would use 'who' instead of 'that' (as you're referring to a person rather than an object) - also the last line in stanza 1 is a bit short; it stops abruptly in comparison to the other lines.
I like the way stanza 2 goes quickly - I get the impression of someone whispering it over the shoulder, get rid of 'cause' though (and split that line into 2 lines) to keep the rhythm flowing.
The last stanza is good, a little untidy at the moment, but with a bit of trimming it'll be fine.