Ranger24 Feb 2006

Okay, I see you've changed 'velvety' now, I think it works better. Did you alter anything else?
Now, you evidently want other people to comment/critique this, but I've had a look at your profile, and if the comment count includes comments on your own works (which I think it does), you've only made 5 comments on poems not by you. If you want others to make the effort on your poems, you have to first give them some feedback - even if it's just to say whether you liked/disliked their poems and why. You don't need to give a full-on analysis of a poem in order for the writer to appreciate you spending the time to look at their work.
Right, I'm giving this an 8 because it has some very nice passages and is pretty well structured. I still don't like 'phosphorescent', but I'm sure not everyone will agree with me there.
Peace