Ranger25 Feb 2006

Incandescent is better; somehow gives me an image of a candle being held to the moon - if it were my poem I'd try and bring that picture out in the first stanza, but it may not work for you. I'm still not a huge fan of the third line - it feels too long (at least the way I read it). Again, if it were my poem I'd change it to something like 'Its incandescent illumination/A gentle wash/As I think of you'. That way it would slightly tone down the first-person aspect of stanza 1, which I find a bit strong, and detract neither from the description in line 2, nor from line 4.
Anyway, keep this one coming, it's looking good!