Ranger7 Mar 2006

Sure thing. I love the image of a piano as a monster; it's something that would have never occurred to me! So muchos credit for originality. However, the scales were all but crying out to be embellished; the hide of a dragon or alligator sprang to mind (particularly when you then talked about smiles and tears, and then stepping stones; perfect crocodile material in my book - if the imagery is already meant to be there, it just needs teasing out a little more).
You seem to be suggesting in stanza 4 that you thought you could tame the monster (mastery of music, yes?) If so, I would love to see you talking about tying it up with chords. Cheesy wordplay I know, but it would make my day! You might also want to consider playing with the danger - the harm(onies). Seriously, I know they sound like awful puns, but it could work. If I'm going too far with these, feel free to throw things at me - chairs, tables, pianos etc.
'Jazzed' feels great in this piece - perhaps combine it with the teeth, make me think 'jagged'. I really do like the 'white spears and black daggers', although as far as connotations go it's almost a complete reversal - I think black spears and white daggers (Zulus and colonial field marshals).
'These monstrous teeth' - great line, and despite the relative simplicity of it I think the last line is very good, very effective too.
Use these ideas as you wish - it could be that they lend too much weight to the 'monster' imagery and detract from the music...see what you think.