Ranger8 Mar 2006

Line 12 needs a typo fixing.
This was quite nice...but it left me feeling a little unsatisfied. I found the last three lines good, quite evocative, but the rest of the poem failed to build up to it enough. I think the problem is that it's a bit vague and somewhat cliched - 'Doing what the heart feels/Instead of what the mind thinks' don't really make me feel or think anything.
'Lying alone at night/Wrapped in unloving blankets' is good and could easily be built upon; give me solid images rather than hazy emotions.
Still, this has plenty of potential.