Ranger23 Mar 2006

Wow...that was epic! Probably the longest comment I've ever received - I'm not happy with the poem as it is, so this is exactly what it needs! The problem with writing it is that as I know all the events it's easy for me to associate the images (hence the reference to Dickens etc.) Plus, my surname is Nightingale, so again that seemed obvious to me but won't to most people.
Errm, where next...ah yes. 'Storm of emerald...' passage. That was meant to get more ethereal (as in 'seeing' the ghost, the memory seeming real). 'Deep dark mattress vein' being the bed appearing shadowed like a grave in the moonlight, followed by the gallows image.
The grammatical points I think you're right about...I tried twisting the language about a bit but in quite a few places it doesn't work.
Time to get the notepad out and write all this down so I can redraft, methinks. Cheers for the suggestions, I need the advice for this one. Somehow I find glosas very tricky to write, particularly from songs (even if the songs are excellent =D)