Dovina6 Apr 2006

Thanks for the good critique. “Versus” is right in Stanza 1 of angry verses – blush.

In Stanza 2, “how it was” refers to the old solid cliff, standing obstinately against young belligerent motion of the sea. But I see your point, and have changed it in the edit. I think the new wording also shows that the rock was winning.

In Stanza 4, I’ve changed, “Now memory moved, met solid desire / the ocean going at it still.” to “Now memory moved, met solid desire / armies under different flags.” I think that improves the precision of the changing image as the narrator ages.

In Stanza 6, “greed” refers back to “solid desire,” which is a mild form of greed perhaps. The idea is that memory was winning over the strong desires of younger times. I have changed “greed” to “need,” to make it less jarring. Also, I’ve changed “little bits” to painful bits” – stronger, I think.