god'swife19 Apr 2006

There are some good strong lines and images. 'ever the silent', 'drunk with god', 'bring me the dream wife I've glimpsed in print', 'I admit my favourite shade is jealous', 'and you reduce me just a little more'.

I understand this has a certain structure that must be abided by and I know structure has much to do with choices, but the only way I can possibly critique this is simply as a poem, so bear with me if I make suggestions which go against the structure. My assumption, due to your ability to create images and sounds, is that you sincerely want to improve. Anne Sexton once said about her teacher at Boston university, the poet Robert Lowell, that "He works with a cold chisel with no more mercy than a dentist. He gets out the decay. He didn't teach me what to put into a poem but what to leave out." I have always been good at getting precisely to the point. I'm no Robert Lowel that's for certain, but many people have used me as an editor for every kind of writing from business letters to love letters. I don't know how much good I will do you, but- I know I can't do you harm.