Ranger20 Apr 2006

Okay, let's see if I can clarify the meanings in here, and then I'll set about looking at editing this one.
I think (having read your comments) in hindsight, that this is more abstract than I first thought it to be. The fact that it doesn't wholly follow the 'obsession' theme of Blueprint might not help my cause here, but I didn't want to just do a rewrite of your work, I wanted to add something to it.
The first three lines gave me a headache. 'I should not secretly confess like this [in writing, hidden away]/Love with the lips, you always insisted [open, honest speech and kissing]/But then again, you prefer emotions to be audible [no good being the 'strong and silent' type]. I guess I am going to have to rework this although getting round the structural constraints is going to be tough.
After that - yes it does deviate. I thought I could get away with it through the 'silent I' play to connect the two sections, but maybe it didn't work. 'Invisible wings' is actually pretty vital to the piece. I haven't included any filler in this, every line is relevant. I just need to make it a whole lot clearer. Maybe I should title it something like 'The Best Friend's Complaint'. Because that is the idea behind this. It's the traditional tale of 'her best friend being madly in love with her'. Hence the last two or three lines of each stanza, and the storm passage which you picked up on in your next post.