Ranger26 Apr 2006

This is really nice. The rhymes kept it moving fluidly and the imagery is direct and vivid. I think in your last poem I commented about your writing being like a sketch; well this is a pastel landscape.
I would change two aspects of it - firstly the repetition (the first 'perhaps' - change to 'maybe', and the second 'smile') and 'gap' didn't quite seem right for clouds. No, I can't explain why I said that, it just seemed slightly off centre. The rest is magnificent.