Ranger5 May 2006

Any thoughtful poetry will inevitably end up more complex than you first intend, trust me on this! The fact is that I gave this a similar sort of reading as to what I give my own recent poetry; it's not just about reading what's directly evident in the piece, it's the subtler layers which carry most of the meaning. And really, this just backs up every time I've said that reading other poetry improves your own poetic abilities - after all, I wouldn't have been able to interpret this even a few months ago. So thank you as well for giving me the opportunity to do so.

I said I'd return with a more detailed critique, here goes. You start with the eternal religious analogy of 'Black and white' which would ordinarily set the scene fine. What might end up confusing people here is that both the black and the white are behind the monks, seemingly making them neutral observers. I'd suggest changing the first line to simply 'Shades', which also carries enough negative connotations of its own to suit the context.
Stanza three I found incredibly evocative and crammed full of religious imagery. The tree is the faith (in a not dissimilar way to my last post), the elements bending are the disciples of that faith, who are fanning (sort of stirring up, encouraging) the arms of a higher priest as if making an offering (and of course there is the direct description). 'Perfectly centred' I think refers to an idea of universal balance. 'Planar dirt' is another good play on words, with the two-dimensional 'shallowness' of the nonbeliever or heretic, 'sly whispers' carries that theme (wind/lies). The use of 'fans' works in tandem with what I mentioned above as well.
R.E. 'denying fog' - I missed that, to be honest. I think it was the way in which it carried from the 'forecasted showers' (prophecies, I think) suggested that it wanted to be taken in its most literal form. Then you have 'brave soldiers', which clarifies your meaning, and of course the final stanza which I think is an astonishing play on not just words, but names - again similar to elements of my last post, and something which always scores highly with me in poetry!
Well, there's plenty of material in here that I haven't gone over; I don't want to leave the rest of the rankers with nothing to do ;-) and there are one or two words which I'd change, but other than that, a highly impressive and thought-invoking piece!