Sunny21 May 2006

This poem obviously carries much emotion with it...which you can do a lot with. I think you managed to pinpoint a lot of emotion dead-on, if you will, but there were a few things I wanted to point out to you:

-L2: "paper cuts"??
-L5: Nice
-L10: I didn't understand how malaise could be a friend??
-Last line: I thought you could end with more emotion, more grasp on the heart of your theme, in my personal opinion.

~Sunny