Ranger1 Jun 2006

Great opener, I like the simplicity of this - gentle and fragmented like falling asleep. Question with lines 8 and 9 - 'I listen to/if you're gone..' makes no grammatical sense, unless 'if you're gone' is a song you're referring to (in which case you need to show that), which didn't quite fit right with you falling asleep.
Not at all bad though.