Dovina6 Jul 2006

I don't like the opening, "And so." Maybe it sounds right when sung, but it's off-putting in print. Also the mis-grammar, "your eyes reflecting chemicals" may work better in song, than poem.

Try the title, "Astonomy and Pharmacy," working off the near-rhyme in Verse 2.

After the bridge, it seems to change track, again something that may work well in song, and not so well in a poem.