Dovina31 Jul 2006

I think it would be better not to start with "there are," and to rearrange the sentence for a stronger beginning. "Cellophane smoke" is descriptive, but it adds little besides smokiness to the smoke. I don't know what you mean by "trading storms" or "swarming jay." The birds (jays) don't normally swarm, and how do the other kind?

Metal lords scorch the clouds . . majestic shrouds - good line.