dvincent20 Sep 2006

Half.italian

Your imagery and lyrical cadences are great -- "Hack along making tin out of silience." "gutter up and sigh in turn." That's good, vivid and musical language.

One thing I just realized that I think would help this. You should have named it simply "Cars" and in the second line where you say the word "cars" maybe changed that to "coupes" (the choked up coupes)or "sedans" or "wagons" or... not sure.

Anyway, very nice poem.