Dovina13 Oct 2006

Having several poems going on in your head concurrently is something I relate to. Unlike some of the posters here, you and I put up our current fantasies, not even waiting for the present drunk to turn to sobriety, it seems. I understand your scheming in wanting to post two in one throw. But I must assert that even I have not gone that far. If the first part of this is really another poem, then propriety demands removing it for later dispatch, and slapping your right hand with your left for conjuring such a scheme. At least that’s my take on it.

As for wordiness in the midsection, the verses beginning “even before” And “even when” seem parenthetic – can these be yet another encased poem? It really starts with “wolves cry out”, doesn’t it? And how is subjugation much different from capture?

“you can still admit you'd give anything to have that feeling back” is really “you liked the feeling” isn’t it? And “For all my youth I grew in a house where the old world was freshly conquered” is “in youth, the old world was conquered.” Stuff like that.

Overall I like it.