Dovina2 Dec 2006

You have the pentameter consistent this time. And it has the feel of old-time sonnets. But, again I find it constrained to the meter, and this time to the loss of meaning. For example, "perfect" adds little to "innocece" besides pentameter and overstatement. And "Deluge" has the accent on "uge." I could do no better with it, however, and think the best solution might be to give up on pentameter or on sonnet. Sorry, I have little respect for the form, and that's part of the problem.