Shuushin11 Jan 2007

wondering at the "I can see"s and the "I could see"

seems unnecessary.

and "under gravity" as is, doesn't provide much value, does it? Some beefier description of how the gravity works upon the dancer/stone. mebbe just a modifier for gravity; I don't know. "and then/[some simile of gravity], collapsing"/"then finding their feet"

still, I like it alot.