Dovina28 May 2007

“’Bovine eyes’ sounds wretched.” I used “bovine” to avoid what I thought was the wretched sound of “cows.” Maybe I made it wretcheder.

“’Free from fence and milking’ sounds terribly clunky.” I admit to often sounding clunky. The sound of poems is a thing I’m working on.

“What is wrong with she pants (UP) a lonely hill instead of lying in the shade.” That’s a good suggestion; better than the way I had it. I don’t like “up” though – sounds clunky. I’ll change it to ‘she pants a lonely hill / instead of lying in the shade.’
“Anthropomorphism is dodgy at the best of times but even if we attribute thoughts to the cow, why would it assume from seeing a human cycle up a hill that she was 'free from milking'” Those bovine eyes stare at me with the provincial look of someone who always lives by the norms and never ventures. Such a person complains about the milking tubes her owner attaches to her tits twice a day and about the fence that holds her in, but she never really wants it any other way, because that’s how dairy cows live.

“From their perspective you are behind a fence too.” From their perspective, I am free from the fence, which they know every inch of.

“The cows rebuked” Maybe I didn’t make it clear, but the cows are not rebuking, the cyclist is. She preaches to the cows - a daft idea, perhaps, but each to their own.

“I would say in the alcohol of afternoon, then you have a metaphor for the weariness and blurriness. As it stands it reads that legs draw concentration like alcohol draws concentration.” Actually, that is what I mean. Working legs draw blood from the brain, which in the weariness of afternoon, after cycling most of the day, has an effect on the brain similar to drunkenness. Still, I like the way you phrase it. I’ll change it to “In the alcohol of afternoon, / legs draw concentration,”

Thanks for your comments.