lmp5 Jun 2007

also, lines 15 & 16 are a bit out of synch somehow.

if the meaning is that she defies the devil's will by haunting her lover to ease his pain, you may want to pull the thoughts together by losing the dash in line 15. a period at the end of line 14 would also help, as would beginning line 15 with "the". line 16 might complete the image a bit by replacing "to etch the light" with "etching the light".

like the dark sentiment; "brood" is one of my favorite dark verbs. still trying to piece together how her lover was scorned exactly, but i can dream up any number of treacheries/betrayals...