Skamper11 Jun 2007

I like the story, and the beginning shorter stanzas, really gets the rhythm, but the longer lines are kinda awkward. The use of simple language in a story of this kind benifits (I think) from some flowery descriptions as in - gyroscopically and Apis mellifera. I can't even begin to get nect'r and wreck to rhyme. (could just be my accent) Rhyme is so damned hard to achieve without seeming forced.