INTRANSIT29 Sep 2007

Maybe it's not so heavy as clunky.
Shiney feathers, eye on intruder, pomp of sound and strut, Keep those. The house /henhouse thing is confusing. Forgot and abandoned are the same,I prefer abandoned. Read mmy gender for my man? Huh?
Boldly militant as angels- I prefer over mission.
The rest is just too wordy, I think. Keep the Copernicus stuff. I think it gives just the right amount of ambiguity. Not sure you need the last line.
I'm a little strained for time, sorry. Next time, when the rooster attacks, use a nine-iron. ;)