Jill Stockinger27 Dec 2020

A child's scream OR children's screams (both plural)- "their own creed"-
some strong emotion captured, but not all lines are equal to the task. "a dead brother will hold you tight"- worth reworking. "tomorrow's generation" - "aren't"- Some people on this web site object to being told corrections, saying these are rough drafts. Rough drafts are fine- the corrections offered can help with the next draft.