Ranger6 Apr 2003

Right, here goes. I really like line 13, it works...although I agree with z that a bit more elaboration would work. You think that my work has too many intricacies, which may well be true-but here I think you could easily afford to offer more description to the reader. Make me see the peasant, make me see the illusion. Get rid of the 'random images and thoughts' because that tells nothing. If you must keep the thoughts, let the reader know what they are and why they are relevant. Definitely keep the line after-it's great.
You must expand and explain the delusion and the truth because they're meaningless as they are. I saw that you want people to take your work at face value which is cool because that lets you go full on crazy with description-but that means you must describe and tell everything that needs to be told in order to make sense of the poem.
Okay, that's that for now. I will not vote on this yet because I expect you will want to edit it. At the moment it wouldn't get a very high mark, but I will come back to mark it when you've redone it.
Definitely remove the commas. They are unnecessary in this format.

PS Why you in a stress with me?