horus86 Jun 2003

1. "Slip down the hour glass of life" change down to through.

2. hourglass, is one word.

3. "Each others heart" Each-other's.

4. my suggestion is pull the poem into tight stanzas, use commas and periods, or capitals or lowercase to show sentence and thought seperation. Do not space. Make it like 4 to 6 stanzas. And remove the stuff at the bottom, because, we are already aware that you need guidance. Try not to start your sentences with and or but, and ignore the fact that I do it all the time. Remove the asterick. Make your title a sentence, don't capitalize each word, and there you have it. Oh, try to use words that are a tad bit rarer than the nouns, verbs and adjectives you are using now, check your thesaurus. For instance "


Not enough time

To fill the heart and mind

With memories made too brief"

This could be said like this;
There is never enough time
to ease a heart or mind
as memories displace remembering.