http://mulberryfairy10 Aug 2003

Line 2: change to - "too"
Line 8: wanting to dry what, her eyes? too forced
Line 12: despise seems forced too, it is a verb, after all, and you are using it as a noun for an emotion.

I am not a rhyming poet myself, so I can't really talk, but the rhyming poems that are most enjoyable to me don't have lines that all end with one syllable words, those rhymes are too obvious and predictable, and they halt the lyrical flow of the words. It doesn't seem like rhyming poetry is going to be your strongest area, at this point.