god'swife27 Aug 2003

You can do better. It builds well but you can write better then this. It wouldn't take much to make this a good strong poem. Just take a look, I mean some of the errors are blantant. No one talks the way you're character talks, and in poetry it suppose to be idealized. Which this is not. Pretend you're character is smarter than you, more sophisticated. What the fuck, I'm wasting my time even trying to get through o you morons. Ciao.