Shuushin9 Oct 2003

For something so long you'd better grab me very tightly fairly early on. I don't feel grabbed.

There's alot of information here, but the credibility of it gets tainted right at the start with statements like "Jesus made Pilot feel uncomfortable".

It sounds like a line made just for the sake of the rhyme (with trouble?). Unforced rhyming and solid information is *extremely* difficult.

Lots of good data, lots of great, interesting names - its just that the vehicle is a bit tedious.

And I will say, the last stanza is mostly superb.

Lastly - much of this is iambic pentameter, so I found myself trying to continue that to the not conforming lines; that makes it hard to get a consistent rythm.

Maybe you could string a couple sonnets together? Extend it by a bit to make a crown?

Good stuff.