Caducus25 Jan 2004

I agree with all your suggestions and will try and deal with each one in the right mood and tone for the type of poem. The grammatical errors i should have noticed. What I tried to evoke in the point about the limp and loving words was his limp was from abuse but the loving words passed on to his son was his resolute determination in not being like HIS Father. He limped physically but never emotionally. 'Solace would be found in the hills' maybe I could say something like 'Solace could be found in the sheperding hills' (but more brief), Mother instead of Mum Iused Mum as its more earthly. I thought about trying to add a line in to why my Mum was in the hills that day but couldn't integrate anything in to a line.

Thank you for your points as it is obvious to me that you have picked up on relevant weaknesses and i'll try and sort it.